Reach Under the Dusty Pile!

The last few days have given me an appreciation of what it like to be alive! The coughing refuses to subside, and now I know what it means to be knee deep in phlegm, that seems like an ever flowing spring from under the ground, only to tire out the hole it incessantly arises from.

What started off as a regular cold and respiratory congestion, and was expected to be chased away, with absolutely no challenges, via a dose of antibiotics, after the said dosage, showed no signs of abating, very soon turning into a nightmarish chest infection. I glared, in my mind, and wondered suspiciously at the unnecessary necessity of X-rays and CT scans that my trusted pulmonologist was uncharacteristically recommending. I even went so far as to mentally question his good sense, cursing hospitals for laying the bait, so as to reel in their daily moolah from unsuspecting prey, only to have the results come back positive with signs of an infection in the lungs, an organ, by the way, I've suddenly gained immense respect for.

My mundane existence was given a good shake, and I was jolted into the realization of being an alive and kicking human soul and body in need of care and upkeep, and not just a robot running on auto that's only goal was to complete daily tasks efficiently, hence the system flows smoothly with no hiccups- a fact that every organ and sense in me was clearly in the process of making me aware of.

Some jolts, however uncomfortable and inconvenient, are necessary.  I was forced to retreat, review, recognize, resurrect and return, with great reluctance, with fresh initiative and plans. Not fresh, or new really, just old ones, that were always there, lying dormant, pushed under the pile, into the dust, by whatever weighed them down. And I let them be, for it was most comfortable to not have to reach down, below that entire pile, to that which has gathered grime, and would need heavy duty cleansing. So far, I'd relied on what's most comfortable to turn to, that which is most easy to reach, and lean on, no matter that it's grime and dust is unseen by the artificial bright lights of relief that it provides superficially. Shaken out of my slumber, here I'm reaching under the rubble for what may actually be air for existence, and fuel for energy, for a longer, more fruitful run.  And hence sings the soul, smiling, grinning, breathing, after such long musings, the result of painfully reaching under the dusty pile. And thanks to the jolt, we are back to thinking, musing and living again. 

However painful, let's reach under the dusty pile, for that which we have kicked away and under, that which we were given to use and nurture. Perhaps, it's what we've always truly desired, only to have forgotten in our quest to live for the world. 

Are we restless? Confused? Then it's important we find the answer to the question- what does our soul really desire! It desires that which would give it true delight, make the soul sing, for its our true purpose, only it's eluded us. And we've barely lived, believing the lights around us that shine bright to be the ones to fulfill us.  It's sad and pathetic, because we were fooled easily into living the life, the world and we deem important, chasing what we think is true happiness. Only we've been chasing a mirage.  And happiness has been playing hide n seek, fleeting, confounding, frustrating, making us seek it even more among the bright lights.

Our happiness is within our reach, it's right there, under our nose.  Our soul knows it. But we haven't been listening to our soul.  Introspect a little, bend over and down, and painfully reach across and under, toppling everything above, to find what we'd always known but hidden away. It's a hard process, not comfortable at all, requires some hard bending, heaving and shifting. But once it's done, you find what you'd always known you'd wanted, that which would truly fulfill you, and make your soul sing in delight. 

It's true what they say, ask your soul and it will answer!

Author's note:

Thank you for reading. 

Let me know if you found what you were searching for? What does your soul truly want? What is your true happiness? What helped you find it? Was it a jolt? Was it foraging under the rubble? 

Looking forward to hearing from you.

With love and warm regards

Anupama